SEQUEL TO EAST WEST LOVE STORY-

EARLY MARRIAGE YEARS, FAMILY LIFE AND POST RETIREMENT LIFE  

Wrote East West love story a few months back but sent it only to some and now to link it up with the sequel sent it to others, may be some got it twice, my apologies. Had not posted it on the blog as did not want to mix it with the personal management series blogs but have now put it up as Blog 31 and this sequel is Blog 32.

Last few months I have been busy with the launch of my web site and mission for Financial education, inclusion and freedom as well as blogs on the same subject. On sending it to some and probably on face-book too,I was a little surprised to get one request from a follower to elucidate it further and another asking if and how it related to my mission purpose and “Moneymonk”.These together made me think and this sequel is the result of it. First the elucidation

Passion stage

In an arranged marriage as it starts with commitment as the base ,some initial amount of passion is natural but the fire needs to be sustained for a long and happy married life. Taking the commitment for granted may make this passion short lived if gender issues are not understood and appreciated quickly enough. Differences can come up due to different needs and views of partners for quality,frequency and variety for these passionate interactions. Finding a middle path which is enjoyable to both is highly desirable.It is simple but surely not easy to find this path as a team.

Intimacy Stage

In the next stage of intimacy, successful solution of passion stage differences if any will help a lot. Staying and living together will help explore and discover each other’s likes and dislikes, as well as strong and weak points. This can result in both or one trying to change the other person to his or her ways,to some extent this is desirable and is an essential part of adjustment in the intimacy stage. Excess of it is to be avoided by accepting each other as it is. Finding some common areas of agreement and disagreeing to agree on some others will help.Realizing that a complementary relationship is the essence of why nature and God created male and female genders. God and nature never intended genders to be competitive but only complementary to each other.In today's world the two equally credible issues of equality and gender are often get mixed up creating a lot of confusion in our minds.

If these two stages are manged well couples can earn a happy family life for themselves and deserve it too. Perfection is neither desirable nor achievable but some thing to look up to. As the degrees of success in the first two stages will vary from couple to couple so will their level or index of happy family life.This is the base required for a happy family and bringing up the children.

Commitment for starting a family

This phase is likely to be the longest and expected to last till death does the partners apart in any successful marriage.This phase can be further divided in two parts first when bringing up children and second after they become independent and leave the home.In the first part success in earlier phases will help in deciding to start a family. This is a giving phase more than taking things from life or each other. It can get routine, boring, taxing and at times very challenging too. This is more so if both parents are working and support from grand parents is not available at home. Joint families are more of an exception these days. Sacrifice will be required too. Parenting is learning on the job in most cases except for memories from own childhoods and likes to adopt or use it as experience for bringing up their child.

Child is the purpose of marriage but only when the couple is sure of their long term commitment initially at least till the children grow up become independent and self sufficient. Marriage is a sound human construct evolved in the best interest of the future generation. There is no western construct for life after this stage but in the ancient Indian culture you have these two constructs of “Vanprastashram” and “Sanyasashram” recommended after student and family life stage.May be some thing similar to suit the modern world will evolve in times to come.  

Commitment for Life as senior citizens post Retirement

After successful completion of Family Life stage with commitment and children leave the home after becoming independent couples continue to be together but in different ways.Some of the ways in which couple are found living their post retirement lives are some just put up with each other, some live together and some can not live without each other. A few lucky ones stay in joint families and enjoying spending time with the grand children.Giving and getting care and attention from their near and dear ones.Your level of success or performance in these earlier three stages will determine how you settle down and which way you adopt and level of happiness. Its also the time to realize that happiness much less depends on action or inaction each other but is to be found independently by deciding to be happy, sound spiritual? Yes its time to move towards spirituality.   

How does it relate to my mission and “MONEYMONK”

So how does it relate to my subject and mission. Money and happiness are linked to each other , having enough of it is a necessity.Happiness in life depends on the degree of success a couple achieves in their marriage. In arranged marriages it is likely that their balance sheet will show initially Commitment as an asset and passion and intimacy as a liability. Later as they convert these liabilities into assets their happiness and richness both have better chances of growing too.Happiness and satisfaction in family life is essential for career or professional success and progress of both partners. Ideally speaking adequate time should be given to manage this change and period of mutual adjustment of first two phases before planning to start a family and have children.

It is just the opposite of it in case of love marriages and does not require much elucidation as the balance sheet initially will show passion and intimacy or just passion on case to case basis as an asset and intimacy and /or commitment as a liability. Adjustment in both cases will call for converting these liabilities into assets. Both the types will need to give time for this before having children.

For the first and second phase of commitment it is essential to develop the right attitude towards it even if you have enough or more or less of it. You surely need to find balance between needs and greed and time given to family and profession.Health and fitness if given due attention will help in having a healthy post retirement life.If you also have saved and planned your expenditures well and have achieved your “Financial Freedom or Independence” better and happier is likely to be your post retirement life.